I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
