I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
