hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So squirting runs in the family.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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