she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i think i just lost a toe
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
