I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
