I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
