you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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