Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
