So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
