Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
