some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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