i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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