i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
should my penis look like a turkey
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
