Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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