Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cockslap morals
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
