I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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