I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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