there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
