I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
