she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
