i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
