I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
