My liver just broke up with me...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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