i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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