you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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