There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
