"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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