The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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