I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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