I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
