does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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