All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
