Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
