No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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