Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
