It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
