all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
