so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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