I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
