Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
