I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
