Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
