I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
