your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
