You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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