It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
