I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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