youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
