Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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