when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
